cigarettes + sedatives

so i finally started my period today and can i say it feels like all the bitchiness i've had is just flowing or has already flown away. flown is not the correct perfect tense for flowing but i'll be fucked if i know. all the fight in me is just gone. it's not a bad thing. i just feel sedated but i'm not, its how i should be. i hate hormones. i'm sitting here alone on my couch why? cara is supposed to be here abby is supposed to be here. i have some money for cigarettes but will anyone take me to the store? i know what a hassle i am. it has to be taxing. especially since cara and i were out earlier. but i didn't have money then. its just my addiction. all i have left are two half smoked cigarettes. ive only smoked 1.5 cigarettes today since ive been up (130) and its getting to me. how pathetic. how true. it's nice because i am getting my buzz since i can't really smoke as much but its bad because my brain no no really its more my body. i'm fidgety and restless and i'm kind of telling myself i need to go out and have a cigarette unconciouslly. it's strange and unpleasant a little bit. restless. fidgety. on edge. taut. taut nerves. when did i get addicted?